He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize