6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
