TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
