I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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