My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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