I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
