11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
