my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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