eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
