Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
