Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
