new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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