dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
