Umm I'm too high to move.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
