I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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