Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
