I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
