His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
