I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
