I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh god it's open bar.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
