No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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