Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize