i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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