I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
