She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
