Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
