I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
