Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
