is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
