I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
