Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
