these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
