You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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