you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
