oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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