If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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