Pass out mid-funnel last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
