i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
