Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
