FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
