Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My balls are so social today.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
