The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
