I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
