I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
