dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize