why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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