Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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