Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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