I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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