Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
