I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
