it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
