bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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