I think im going to throw up on grandma
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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