my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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