yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
