There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize