My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
