I think my vagina is haunted
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
