I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
