Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
