Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
