i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
