i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
