I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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