i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize