she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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