Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
