After last night, I could never be a politician.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
