remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
