Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
