Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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