the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
