only you would photoshop your dick
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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