in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
