when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
