That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
