wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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