Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
