i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
