it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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