It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
