"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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