Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
